


Just one of these days - Tony Stark edition

by QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds



Series: MCU Crack Fics [3]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Crack and Angst, Fluff and Angst, Friends as Family, Hospital, Hurt Tony Stark, Injured Tony, Injury, Post-Avengers (2012), Swearing, Team as Family, Tony Being Tony, Tony is not impressed, everyone loves tony, flying penguin robots, he just doesn't take care, he really is, just not the whole time, mandatory waking up in the hospital scene, seriously everything is fine, the others will take care of him, tony is Trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,371
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25807387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds/pseuds/QueenOfALotOfDifferentWorlds
Summary: It was just one of these days: flying penguin robots, no sleep and the skyscraper thing. Sure he was injured but not that bad. He would have told them that, if he had been conscious to do so.Mandatory hospital scene.Crack with Angst
Relationships: (pre slash), Bruce Banner & Tony Stark, Clint Barton & Tony Stark, Natasha Romanoff & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers & Tony Stark, Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Tony Stark & Avengers Team
Series: MCU Crack Fics [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1836838
Comments: 17
Kudos: 193





	Just one of these days - Tony Stark edition

**Author's Note:**

> This got a lot angst-ier when I planned... So there is crack in this but every time I tried to rewrite it got worse. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Everything about today sucked. It was too hot, way too humid, Tony hadn’t slept in the last whatever hours and by now the dehydration made him dizzy. At least he wasn’t hungry anymore. It is a good sign if you stop feeling it, right?

The worst – aside from having to admit that the cooling system in this mark of the Ironman suit was _not_ good enough for the 112 degrees summer heat. It didn’t even help that it was 44,444 degrees Celsius converted. As he was saying, the worst was their stupid fight. The villain of the day had the _brilliant_ idea to build a penguin-robot-army. And he probably tried and failed to build them an AI – Tony wasn’t surprised. He was fighting these robots for hours now and knew 37 design flaws, 16 material errors, 54 workmanship mistakes and that wasn’t even scratching on the terrible welds. Also, he made them fly. Penguins couldn’t fly!

All in all, the flying abominations shouldn’t stop them. That they did was an insult in and of itself, even if their numbers had to be in the 10.000. At least the Hulk had fun, smashing them left, right and center.

“Status.”

“Penguins can’t fly.”

“We know, Hawkeye. Status.”

“I hate magic.”

“Yes, we know, Iron Man.” Desperation started to color Steve’s voice, even though he still clung to the commanding tone. “Status.”

“No, you don’t understand Cap, they used magic to destroy something pure and beautiful.”

“You just bitched about their crappy materials and-”

“Shut up, birdbrain, these flying shits aren’t worth anything, but the principle stands!”

“The principle? You-”

“Widow, status?”

“My ears are going to bleed if I have to hear Iron Man’s speech about the purity of technology one more time.”

Tony’s lips twitched and wasn’t that a statement about how bad off he was? If he wasn’t careful, his brain function would dip low enough to… Could it be that easy?

“Jay, can you scan for low frequencies? They might be communicating with –”

“On it, Sir. Might I remind you _again_ that your condition is-”

“Nope, I’m good.”

“You really aren’t, Sir.”

He really wasn’t. The suit was all that was keeping him upright right now. He wouldn’t acknowledge it, but he wasn’t all that sure how many flying penguin robots were attacking him right now. If it really were sixteen and he still cut through them like butter? Good for him.

He didn’t see number seventeen (or nine… which ever it was).

“Iron Man!” Cap’s panicked voice reached him the same second the robot crashed into him. Hard. Either it was cleverer or luckier when his siblings, because it flew right into the back of his head, throwing him into a spiral that was stopped by a skyscraper.

“Sir, I detect-”

“Not now, Jay,” Tony wheezed out. He could guess what Jarvis would tell him: broken ribs, whiplash, a sprained or broken wrist, a severe concussion and probably internal bleeding. The cacophony of pain racing through him was rather telling.

Also, he should be focusing on other things. Like the concrete closing in on him. Wait, that didn’t seem right. And what were those sounds, those awful…

“Sir, I must insist-”

“Jay…” Tony didn’t even have the breath left in him to tell his oldest son where to stuff it, while trying to figure out… he was falling, wasn’t he? And the noises that were piercing his eardrums were the others. Calling him and…

“I’m taking over, Sir.”

The suit moved without Tony’s input – which stopped him from being pancaked on the street – but jostled all of him. He wouldn’t admit it, but he screamed when the fresh wave of agony ran through him, whiting his vision for a second.

This fucking sucked.

The armor raised his hand a little higher, starting to fire at more of the ridiculous flying robot penguins.

Tony whimpered.

“Iron Man status!” There was desperation and fear in the captain’s voice. Tony would have said something to calm him if he had the breath for it – and would be able to keep his voice steady.

“Sir is not able to answer right now. I fly the suit.”

“Jay,” Tony gasped. He would be annoyed if he had the energy for it. But everything was swimming in front of his eyes.

“Jarvis! Jarvis what is with Tony, I…”

“Sir’s injuries include-”

“Mute!”

Jarvis went quiet but Tony would suffer for it later on. If he survived. He might not. Thank fuck for silver linings.

“Jarvis?” That was Clint’s voice, hard and worried.

Fuck.

“’m fine” Tony slurred.

“Shit.” Natasha’s voice wasn’t bored or annoyed. That was a problem.

“Who has eyes on Iron Man?”

“I see him.” Clint’s voice was as tight wound as Steve’s and Tony was barely able to even hear them. “He holds steady. Jarvis?”

Lights flashed in front of Tony’s eyes, piercing right into his brain and almost blinding him. He was pretty sure, even through the haze, that he would have vomited if he had the energy. Which he hadn’t. Hey! Another silver lining!

“Jarvis?” Clint asked again. Tony was like 89.25% sure it was birdbrain.

“Tony, if you have muted-”

“That would at least mean he is still conscious.” Nat interrupted Steve, her voice cold in a way that was even worse than her I’ll-stab-you-through-your-heart-with-a-paperclip-voice.

“Or was.”

“J…” It wasn’t more than an exhale, but his AI would hear him. He would help. Tony wasn’t all that sure with what, but he would help. He always did. The mind-numbing pain was probably something he wanted help with. Agony came in waves, increasing with every new movement that his body was forced into.

“Sir? Sir, answer me!”

Tony opened his mouth, whimpering when a new movement jostled _everything_.

“Captain, Sir’s heartbeat is erratic. I believe he just lost consciousness.”

“Get him to a hospital!”

“Right away.”

“…no…” Tony protested, he couldn’t let Jarvis take him away. The others needed his-

Jarvis moved the suit again and Tony was about 73.67% sure it was because there must have been some fucking flying not-flying bird robot attacking him or someone else and not Jarvis shutting him up by hurting him. Even though it did that too. Quiet effectively, really. His vision even whited out again.

There was so much screaming, so much lights flashing and movements. Agonizing pain. His fleeting thoughts tried to rationalize it. This wasn’t the worst pain he experienced. Hell, considering it, this was still a fairly good situation. He wasn’t alone. His team was here, Jarvis was here and he would keep his suit safe. He really was becoming an optimist.

“Jarvis, get him the hell out of here!”

“As you wish, Captain.”

The thrusters engaged and rattled Tony agonizingly in his nitinol shell. That was the last thing he knew.

-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-

“Nat, stop hitting me!”

“Only if you stop being stupid.”

“I resent that!”

“Guys.” Bruce calming voice stopped the bickering super spies. For about ten seconds.

“When will he wake up, Bruce? Steve is going to lose his marbles if it takes much longer.”

“He should wake soon.”

“You keep saying this, but- Stop hitting me!”

“Then stop-”

“Are you kidding me?” His throat hurt, blinking into the cold white light of the ceiling lights he groaned. “You can’t even give me some peace and quiet in the hospital?”

Aside from lying in an incredibly uncomfortable bed and feeling the numb pain and mushiness that indicated the good kind of pain medication, the god ugly light would have given it away. And the stench of disinfection.

“Shit, Stark.” The laugh was audible in Clint’s voice and he didn’t even try to hide the honest smile that lay on his face. The fight must have been a while back. He, Nat and Bruce had already cleaned themselves up and changed clothes.

“How are you feeling, Tony?” Bruce smiled at him too, relieved and tired. Before Tony could answer – and he would have answered his Brucey bear – said bear helped him sit up, which hurt like a bitch and pressed a glass of water to his lips. Thankful, he took some cool sips, enjoying the way the water slid down his throat.

He looked up at his science bro. There were dark shadows under his eyes. The Hulk must have drained most of his strength. Tony barely remembered the fight, but he knew that it had been hours even before he got knocked out of the sky.

“I’m okay. Good actually. Where there flying penguins by any chance?”

“So, you do remember the fight?” Natasha leaned forward on the uncomfortable looking chair, her legs gracefully knotted together. Didn’t that hurt? Her expression was relaxed, maybe even with a slight hint of gladness? A band aid covered her right temple, but aside from that, she looked good.

“Bits and pieces. Why did they fly? Did they use magic? I hate magic. Technology should never-”

“Jap, he’s going to be fine.” Clint, with the same self-restraint he normally showed, climbed in Tony’s bed, making himself comfortable by nudging Tony’s legs aside. “Make some space, Stark.”

“What the- get yourself your own bed, Barton.” Tony snapped indignantly, ignoring the look Natasha threw Bruce’s way. Without so much as a word, she untied her legs, standing up gracefully and leaving the room.

“Drink the water in small sips. I’m going to check on your blood work and then get you something to eat. I _know_ you haven’t malnourished yourself to that degree by neglecting your health, have you?” There was nothing green in Bruce’s complexion, but the pleasant smile was a warning all on its own.

“Hah, you fucked up.” Clint said, cheerfully, nudging Tony’s leg with his foot, smiling, as if he didn’t know Tony was dead.

“You need to get me out of here!” The desperation in his voice was real. Bruce was going to smother him to death and Steve-

“Where is Steve?”

“You mean our Captain? The one who nearly cried through the whole battle after Jarvis flew you to safety because you were too stupid to-”

“Did something-”

“Hey there, breathe Tony, everything is fine.” Clint leaned forward, grabbing Tony’s arms in a strong hold without compromising the IV needle there. “We made him go back to the tower to take a shower and change. After we defeated those crab-birds we came looking for you and he refused to leave you… unprotected.”

Tony relaxed gradually at that, feeling the pain that must have spiked while he had tried to get out of bed and to Steve. “Oh. Okay.”

“Yeah.” Clint leaned back, the easy smile on his lips only slightly teasing. “We’re all fine.”

“Good… that’s good.”

“Not for you it isn’t.” His smile turned from pleasant to threatening in an instant. “Bruce is going to haunt you. Steve is going to wrap you in blankets and possibly won’t ever leave your side again. Even Nat will come after you if you so much as refuse a snack.”

“Fuck.”

“Oh yes.” Clint crooned gleefully. “You’re going to suffer.”

Oh right, that reminded him: “Birdbrain, you have to get me out of here!”

“And risk the wrath of the others? I’m not that stupid.”

“They will never catch us.”

“We don’t know yet if you can walk and we live with them.”

“They can’t get us in my ‘shop.”

“Jarvis ratted you out not ten hours ago.”

“Ten hours? Beside the point.” _Focus Tony, you need to get out of here_. Moving his body slightly was enough to ensure him, nope he wasn’t going to walk out of here. “Fuck.”

“You okay?”

“Peachy.” Tony gritted his teeth. He needed a plan.

“Okay, this is what we are going to do!”

“I won’t-”

“You will get the bed to the staircase. There we take the mattress off the bed, you use the straps to-”

“Why would there be straps on a mattress?”

“It’s a safety measure in case of a fire and not the point! We will take the stairs down-”

“You mean you want _me_ to drag _you_ down the stairs while you chill there.”

“I am injured!”

“Sure. Now you say that. I bet the minute anyone else walks in its all _no, I’m fine_.” He said the last bit in a high-pitched voice, waving his hands in a way that was totally not like Tony had ever done. Ever.

“I don’t sound like that!”

“Yes, you do! And it’s a horrible idea.”

Last resort then. Tony let his shoulder sink down (it hurt), leaned a little towards Clint (that hurt too) and looked at him through his long lashes. He knew he had beautiful eyes (that was a fact, thank you very much) and had perfected his puppy dog look when he was three. Granted, it had lost a little of his charm, but still, he could melt steel if he wanted to. (With a welding machine but who cares.)

“Please…”

“Shit.” Clint groaned, annoyed. “What time?”

“Right now!” Steve wouldn’t take much longer. Bruce wouldn’t either. And if Nat found out he was dead.

“Did you take the time and thought about the consequences?”

“Of course not. I may be wrong, but it’s highly unlikely.”

“Tell me again, why did you miss that robot and crashed into the building?”

“That’s not important right now, let’s go.”

“I think it’s really important right now.” Clint glanced again at the wall and this time, Tony followed his line of sight.

“You traitor!” Tony glared at Clint who just shrugged with an easy smile.

“Sorry.”

Glancing back at the clock, Tony run a few calculations, but there was only a 0.8% chance he would even get out of the hospital without the help of one of the spy-twins. And that wasn’t even counting that the asshole would try to keep him in the bed and the hospital. “Fuck.”

“Come on Tony, you know I love you, but it would be suicide to go against Nat.”

Tony stopped dead. Clint didn’t.

“Don’t tell her I told you, but she loves you too, you know.”

Tony didn’t. Sure, they were teammates and he had hoped that she had warmed up to him in the last couple of months. They had fun together and the weekly film-and-pizza-night was sacred to all of them, but…

“Bruce of course is your brother from another mother and we don’t need to talk about Steve, do we?”

Even if all of this was giving him hives he really did want to know why they didn’t need to talk about Steve.

“You’re family now, asshole, so suck it up.”

“What?”

“We’re a family. It’s actually your fault, inviting all of us to live with you, making us comfortable and being the homey-shit, you are, so you don’t get to complain about it.”

Maybe he had hit his head. Or this was a parallel dimension. Before he could answer, or rather ask what the hell was going on, the doors opened and Steve entered the room.

“Tony!” There was a breathy kind of relieve in his voice and the smile that split his face had to be something of a fairytale. There was just no way Steve was looking at him like this.

“Thanks Clint, I see you were able to make him stay in bed.” Steve’s eyes narrowed the tiniest bit when he looked at Clint, still lounging on Tony’s bed but this wasn’t important right now.

“What?! You made him-”

“We thought he was the least likely to strap you down, drug you or give in to your puppy eyes.” Nat materialized behind Steve, an almost smile playing on her lips. “He was our only option, really.”

“I-”

“Good, you’re all here.” Bruce stepped closer to Tony’s bed taking his pulse while simultaneous giving directions to the others. “Clint distract the Shield grunts, Nat get the car started.” He nodded to himself, ignoring the spies leaving the room as if he was their commanding officer. He had never seen Bruce more in control than in this moment.

“Steve, wrap him up, take the backstairs. Try not to jostle him too much.”

“What is going on?” He must have landed in an alternate reality. Or aliens. God, he hoped it wasn’t aliens.

“You were already begging Clint to smuggle you out.” Steve tried to reason. “We’re a team, so…”

“We have five minutes before the doctor makes his next round.” Bruce reminded Steve with a quiet urgency that seemed terribly out of place. He took the IV bag from the stand and handed it to Steve.

“Are you sure everything is alright?” Tony had to clench his teeth to not cry out when Steve lifted him out of bed, bridal style. His movements were smooth and careful, it still hurt like hell.

“Aside from you not being able to stay in the hospital when conscious? Everything is fine.” Bruce assured him. “I’ll meet you back at the tower. Don’t jostle him.”

“Of course not.” Steve huffed, annoyed and took off. Running.

“Seriously, do I have to make a shape changer test with all of you?” Focusing to keep his voice quiet and without pain was enough challenge to keep him occupied. Especially when Steve ran down the nine sets of stairs.

“We are us, Tony.” There was laughter in Steve’s voice and wasn’t that the most beautiful sound he had ever heard?

Natasha waited right behind the emergency exit that didn’t give a peep when Steve opened it, carefully placing Tony on the backseat, before sliding in the other side, propping Tony’s head up on his thigh.

Without losing a second, Natasha floored it, driving them through New York like a taxi driver on extasy. And no, Tony wouldn’t share that particular story.

“You know that we aren’t followed right?” Tony asked after the fourth harsh turn that would have thrown him through the car if not for Steve’s gentle hands holding him in place. “We aren’t, are we?”

“Not that I know of.”

That was a no if he had ever heard one.

“So why…” He pressed his lips together when Steve pressed down on his sight, moving the broken ribs and almost bit back a yelp.

“I’m sorry Tony.” Steve sounded devasted. “Nat, slow down, I don’t think-”

“We’re almost there.” True to her word, just a few minutes later, she drove them down into his private garage.

“I’m going to pick you up now, okay Tony?” he asked, his blue eyes were worried and asking for permission as much as his words.

“Yeah, sure.” As if he had any other choice.

“I’m glad you’re back, Sir.”

“I hear you betrayed me, Jay.”

“And I will do it again, happily, Sir.” Jarvis answered dryly. Tony believed him. It should concern him. It really didn’t.

“Figures I build an AI that decides he knows better than I do.”

“Of course, Sir. After all, you programmed me that way.”

Technically, that wasn’t true. Jarvis was a learning AI and he had learned a lot. The basic code was what Tony had written. Everything else Jay had learned on his own.

“Sure thing, Skynet.”

Tired as he was, it took Tony a moment to realize Steve didn’t take him up to his floor, but brought him to the common room. Someone had rearranged the living space with at least six mattress and a lot of pillows.

Gently, Steve placed him on the mattress in the middle, rearranging pillows to make him comfortable while Nat produced an IV stand from somewhere and put his IV bag up.

“I’ll get you something to drink. Bruce said, you could have a smoothie.” Steve smiled again at Tony, before turning around to go to the kitchen.

Before Tony could say anything, Nat sat down beside him, leaning close enough to whisper into his ear lowly enough that not even Steve would be able to hear her.

“I know Clint told you. You hate hospitals so we got you out. You will not be able to escape us though.” She pressed a butterfly kiss to his cheek before leaning back a little. “We take care of our family, Tony.”

See, it was just one of these days.


End file.
